So, like… do you want to move in with me?

Moving in with someone – anyone – is a big deal. Moving in with a partner though, is especially daunting. Why? Because moving in with your boyfriend or girlfriend generally means that you guys are pretty serious and most likely looking towards spending your futures together.

Upon receiving this topic I immediately asked a friend what she thought, as she actually is thinking about moving in with her boyfriend. The first thing I asked was: ‘what would it mean to you?’, the answer I got was: ‘if I was moving in with my boyfriend, I’d expect an engagement to follow a while after’. After getting only a surprised ‘huh’ in response, she asked if I wouldn’t expect the same. In short, my answer is no. Now, you might be wondering why I’m telling you this little story. Well, the main reason is to emphasize that moving in with your significant other means different things to different people. For my friend, it means that the relationship is moving to the next level and the two of them are very serious about their future together. To me, moving in with someone I’m dating means getting to spend more time together, but isn’t something I would consider a super-duper big deal.

So, before you ask someone to move in with you, you should find out what they would expect to happen next, and be prepared to change your decision regarding whether or not to ask them to live with you.

The next thing you should do is ask yourself: am I ready to move in with my boyfriend/girlfriend, and do I even want to? Even if you aren’t expecting the relationship to get more serious, moving in with someone is still a big deal. It means sharing bills, rent, food, and space, and if you haven’t lived with anyone but your family before, it can be a big change. Consider whether you’re willing to share everything with someone else, and also consider how long you want the relationship to last. If you’re not too keen on being with this person for a really long time, don’t move in with them.

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Lastly, I recommend some kind of trial, where you spend a few weeks being with them 24/7. For example, take an extended holiday or rent out a beach house together over the holidays. This way, you get to see what they’re like when you’re stuck together for ages. You get to experience any weird or annoying habits they may have, and you can decide whether or not you can deal with them.

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