And we’ll never be royals … but we can sure try!

It’s been a wild couple of weeks for royal-watchers, with the official royal tour by Wills, Kate and baby George sending people into a spin and increasing profits for crowd barrier businesses ten-fold. But with the 19-day trip now officially over, it’s time for people to strip off the Union Jack, put away the stuffed corgis and go back to life as a commoner. But before that, why not spend a few hours reflecting on the royal tour while acting like a touring royal …

Your How-To on Acting Like a Royal:

  1. Stick up signs and balloons around your home that say “Welcome!”, “We love the Royals”, “Show us Ya Crown Jewels” and “I Like your Brother Better”
  2. Wave awkwardly to strangers and politely smile
  3. Wear a ball gown or three-piece suit while you eat dinner and watch Downton Abbey
  4. Get a photo of you wearing a crown printed onto plates and have a friend hand them out to tourists. You’ll be signing autographs in no time.
  5. Be the guest of honour at an “official opening”. Please note that this step requires several people:
  • Get a large piece of material or sheet (red is best)
  • Cover up an existing monument (a park bench will do)
  • Hold an official unveiling ceremony, complete with “host” (a friend) and special royal guest (you)
  • Have two friends dress in black, wear fake ear pieces and talk to each other through walkie talkies – these people are “royal security”
  • Have a few friends stand around as the crowd. Clapping is encouraged
  1. Play polo (of sorts) – ride hobby horses around the backyard with mates while whacking a tennis ball with a hockey stick
  2. Design your own personal crest and draw it on a flag (a piece of A4 paper will suffice). Stick said flag on the front of your car and wave to pedestrians when you drive past
  3. Make frequent wardrobe changes throughout the day (at least five). And yes, pyjamas to bathrobe counts as a change.
  4. Dress like your partner’s granny … (or the Queen herself!)
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