And we’ll never be royals … but we can sure try!
It’s been a wild couple of weeks for royal-watchers, with the official royal tour by Wills, Kate and baby George sending people into a spin and increasing profits for crowd barrier businesses ten-fold. But with the 19-day trip now officially over, it’s time for people to strip off the Union Jack, put away the stuffed corgis and go back to life as a commoner. But before that, why not spend a few hours reflecting on the royal tour while acting like a touring royal …
Your How-To on Acting Like a Royal:
- Stick up signs and balloons around your home that say “Welcome!”, “We love the Royals”, “Show us Ya Crown Jewels” and “I Like your Brother Better”
- Wave awkwardly to strangers and politely smile
- Wear a ball gown or three-piece suit while you eat dinner and watch Downton Abbey
- Get a photo of you wearing a crown printed onto plates and have a friend hand them out to tourists. You’ll be signing autographs in no time.
- Be the guest of honour at an “official opening”. Please note that this step requires several people:
- Get a large piece of material or sheet (red is best)
- Cover up an existing monument (a park bench will do)
- Hold an official unveiling ceremony, complete with “host” (a friend) and special royal guest (you)
- Have two friends dress in black, wear fake ear pieces and talk to each other through walkie talkies – these people are “royal security”
- Have a few friends stand around as the crowd. Clapping is encouraged
- Play polo (of sorts) – ride hobby horses around the backyard with mates while whacking a tennis ball with a hockey stick
- Design your own personal crest and draw it on a flag (a piece of A4 paper will suffice). Stick said flag on the front of your car and wave to pedestrians when you drive past
- Make frequent wardrobe changes throughout the day (at least five). And yes, pyjamas to bathrobe counts as a change.
- Dress like your partner’s granny … (or the Queen herself!)